Monday, November 8, 2010

Day Eighteen: Something You Regret

When I first read this, Carla was the first thing that came to mind.
Carla and I met in the third grade and we were glued to each other ever since.
She was the one I shared all my secrets with, would write notes to each other all the time in between classes, and was a genuinely kind young woman.
When we first started high school, she was in my home room class, which was awesome because if I couldn't have her in any of my classes we could at least share that one. 
It was only a couple of months before I met S, the guy who became my first real boyfriend. 
Before I knew it, I was spending all my time with him, pass notes to him all the time, and soon would forget plans made with Carla. 

Now this is not one of my finest moments to admit this. It would take me years to realize what a dummy I was dating, and yet every time he would break up with me, I would keep coming back like a lost puppy.

It was now the close of my sophomore year, and I was currently "off" on my on again/off again relationship with S. As always, I had to attend my home room class to receive my report card, projects back, etc. and that's when I started chatting with Carla. 
The conversation was tense, almost casual in a sense that we haven't spoken in a year and a half. I asked her if she was doing anything special over the summer, and I made an attempt to make plans with her. I saw high hopes in regaining my friendship with Carla that day. I still can even recall the outfit she was wearing, and the grades we had in our report cards.

That would be the last day I ever spoke to Carla.

It was probably two weeks later when S started calling again, giving me his "I want to make it work" speech, and hook, line and sinker, I fell for it again. Visions of hanging out with Carla evaporated, and never crossed my mind.

It was August 3 when I received a call telling me Carla had lost control of her car and struck a tree. I literally dropped to my knees in the middle of the street when I was told the news. I never had the opportunity to tell her I was sorry for putting her out of my life. I never had the opportunity to tell her how much she meant to me. I never had the opportunity to spend the time I promised her that afternoon in home room class. 

It was by this experience that I learned never to live life as something you can always plan. To love everyone you care about, to give great hugs, and with that, you should have no regrets. 



SouthernBelleJM said...

Oh my W, that's so sad. But I'm sure she knows you're sorry! Sometimes lessons learned the hard way are the best lessons to learn. Miss you!

tickledpink said...

That is so sad! It just breaks my heart. I am also sure that she knows you were sorry. Life is so short.